How I Will Profit from Your Ideas

This evening, I would like to have your attention to address a recently raised concern.

My celebrated opponent has proposed an idea, which I dispute. I will briefly feign affection and respect for him. By taking a position opposing such a luminary, I will appear to elevate my inferior status nearer to his.

I will begin by contorting my opponent's proposal, creating a straw-man argument, easy to destroy but not so flimsy that decimating it will lack challenge or entertainment value.

I will follow by defaming my opponent's character thereby implying that his arguments, regardless of their content, do not hold.

Finally I will present my own position, in three parts:

First I will convey wrong ideas that will nevertheless appeal to persons with below-median intelligence. This aims to secure the favor of half the audience.

Second, I will reformulate my opponent's proposal in terms favorable to myself, using his very proposal, distinguished only by inflections and tone of voice. I will pepper this paraphrasing with polysyllabic and obscure diction, employing supercilious terminology and playful ironic bourgeois malapropisms to ensnare pseudo-intellectuals who otherwise hold a cynical position toward a charismatic personage such as myself.

Third, I will reinforce the claim that these ideas are superior to my opponent's, simply by repeating that claim several times.

I will conclude by taking questions and using each one to congratulate myself for my success and, if the occasion permits, to make hilarious jabs at my sad opponent.

I look forward to your attention at the event tonight.

Thank you.